relapse – The Recovering Urchin

Guest post: A List Of Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery

Believing that addiction to one substance is the only problem
Believing sobriety will fix everything
Pursuing recovery with less energy than pursuing addiction
Being selectively honest
Feeling special and unique
Not making amends
Using the program to try and become perfect
Confusing self-concern with selfishness
Playing futile self-improvement games
Not getting help for relationship troubles
Believing that life should be easy
Using the program to handle everything

This has been a guest post by Ken D.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

Seven Things My Sponsor Suggested

When I was about 90 days sober, I thought I was going to drink again. I knew what “drinking again” felt like. I had previously relapsed four times in the last 18 months of my active alcoholism, after repeatedly vowing to never drink again.

After a Tuesday night meeting at St. Asaph’s, I approached my sponsor, and I told him the truth-that I felt like I was going to drink again. He reached for a piece of paper, and he quickly wrote the following:

I still have this piece of paper, 28 1/2 years later. Of course I do-it helped save my life. What did he write on that piece of paper?

1) Ask God for help staying sober in the morning. My recovery doesn’t come from me. My recovery is a gift from a Higher Power. I am convinced of that. On April 30, 1990, I got down on my knees, crying, and said “Help me God”. God helped me that day. Two days later I was at my first AA meeting, and I haven’t had a drink since. So I don’t mind asking my Higher Power for help. I need it. For more on this topic, see my essay “I Need Help”.

2) Thank God at night for that sober day. Every day that I have asked for help staying sober, I have been kept sober. Every one. As of today, that is 10,379 days. So I thank my Higher Power at night for this sober day.

3) Go to a meeting. At the time, my sponsor was gravely concerned about my sobriety, so he suggested that I go to a meeting every day. So I did. I don’t get to a meeting every day now, but I do have substantial contact with the program every day. Every day I listen to the First Step or the Second Step in my car, and talk to another alcoholic. When I’m on an airplane (a frequent happening in my life) I listen to a meeting on my phone.

4) Call your sponsor. My sponsor is one of my role models. I speak to him as much as I can. For more about this topic, see my essay “Role Models”. My sponsor always changes my perspective when I speak with him.

5) Read the Big Book. I believe that the first 164 pages of the book “Alcoholics Anonymous”, (also known as “The Big Book”) represent the best spiritual writing I’ve ever read. I have copies of all four editions of the Big Book, as well as copies on CD and on my phone. When I can’t get to a meeting, I read or listen to the Big Book.

6) Avoid Hungry, Angry, Lonely & Tired (“HALT”). Alcoholics are susceptible to “triggers”- things that make us susceptible to a drink. For me, some of those triggers include being hungry, angry, lonely or tired. In order to practice self-care, I need to avoid these triggers, using tools like having a healthy snack, talking to my sponsor, being with my family and friends in recovery, and taking a nap.

7) If all else fails, help another alcoholic. On page 89 of the Big Book, it says “frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives”. It’s true. Speaking with a sponsee, or another alcoholic in distress, helps me like nothing else can.

Now there is a postscript to this story. I looked at the list my sponsor handed me, and I asked him if doing these things would help me recover from alcoholism. I was absolutely certain that he was going to say yes. But instead, he said no. So I asked him what this list of seven tasks was, and he explained to me that since I thought I was going to drink, I needed to do these seven things every day until the feeling passed (and for a long time after, as well).

I then asked him what I think is the most important question I’ve ever asked any person: What do I need to do to recover from alcoholism? And he answered, “if you want to recover from alcoholism, you need to work the twelve steps”.

We started working the twelve steps together that same Tuesday night, and my life has not been the same since. I’ll write a lot more about the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous on this site. Those steps are the most important gift I’ve ever been given.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

Guest post: The Opioid Crisis—Personal Responsibility, Choice, and the Law

In Commonwealth v. Eldred, an underreported July 16 case with nationwide implications, where addiction was an underlying issue in a criminal case, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled that it was not cruel and unusual punishment to put a person who is on probation in jail after one positive test for drugs.

Less than two weeks after a court ordered Julie Eldred to not use drugs while on probation, she tested positive for the opioid fentanyl. Consequently, Ms. Eldred, a chronic substance abuser, spent about 10 days in jail until an inpatient treatment bed was available.

In the subsequent appeal, Lisa Newman-Polk, Ms. Eldred’s attorney, argued that incarceration was unconstitutional cruel and unusual punishment because Ms. Eldred’s substance abuse disorder made her incapable of remaining drug free.

Newman-Polk, a certified social worker with clinical experience treating addiction, called the decision a “massive blow” that would place the court “on the wrong side of history.”

The court did not agree. Nor do I. To the contrary, adoption of Miss Eldred’s disease theory would dangerously undermine America’s efforts to combat its metastasizing opioid epidemic, almost certainly lead to increased drug related deaths, increased risks to public safety, increased recidivism, longer prison sentences for addicts without the possibility of probation or parole, fewer options like drug courts to incentivize recovery, and millions of new dollars invested in unproven community drug treatment programs.

Most important, it would remove an addict’s personal responsibility in the recovery process, the sine qua non of successful recovery.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, substance abuse disorder (SUD) occurs when a person’s use of drugs or alcohol leads to health issues or problems at work, school, or home. Relapse is often a part of the recovery process.

But not everyone agrees with the disease model.

The court cited the Commonwealth’s behavioral model which postulates that SUD may affect an individual’s urge to use substances, but it does not render that individual without the free will to use substances.

The majority ultimately concluded that the defendant’s claim of SUD rested “on science that is not tested.”

Justice David J. Lowry, writing for the majority, emphasized that a defendant who violates probation is not being punished for the violation (drug use), but “anew on his [or her] underlying conviction.” The court recognized that “addiction is a status that may not be criminalized.”

Continuing, the requirement of remaining drug free is not, as Ms. Eldred contends, “an outdated moral judgment about an individual’s addiction. Rather…. the requirement is based on the (sentencing) judge’s consideration of the defendant’s circumstances and that she committed the underlying crime to support her drug use.”

Having worked with many addicts for many years, I can attest that many former users credit a stint in jail (or the mere threat) for jump starting their recovery.

Justice Lowry’s well-reasoned opinion will help protect defendants by giving them clear motivation to remain substance-free while providing for the protection of the public.

Ironically, should she remain clean and sober, Ms. Eldred may one day thank the sentencing judge for saving her life.

This article was written by a friend of the Urchin who practices law, and has a long-term interest in the legal and scientific study and treatment of substance abusers and substance abuse issues. He is a regular contributor to articles pertaining to these topics.

With Love,

The Recovering Urchin

I Need Help

I heard someone say at a meeting that three of the most spiritual things she had learned
were:

I need help
I was wrong
I don’t know

I certainly need help. I need help staying sober. I have had that demonstrated to me again and again. At the end of my active alcoholism, I tried to quit drinking, once and for all (I mean it this time!) four different times. Four different times I stopped temporarily.

The first time I stopped, I lasted about a week. The last time I stopped, I couldn’t make it through 24 hours. When I was finally introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, a gentleman shared his story, and explained to me what worked for him (the Twelve Steps). He also explained to me that he attended AA meetings frequently, and that meeting attendance helped him to stay sober.

I listened to him, I followed his advice, and I haven’t had a drink or a drug since that date. That was May 2, 1990.

Frequent attendance at AA meetings helps me to stay sober. I need the experience, strength and hope that I find at every AA meeting.

I need help with more than only the “not drinking”. I need help and direction in how I live my life. I wrote an essay entitled “Role Models”. I have four role models, and they show me how to live through their actions. They show me how to be the best father, husband, son, employee, and member of AA that I can be. They show me because they are the best parents, spouses, employees, and sober people that I know.

They truly are role models.

When I was young, I remember saying “I can do it myself”. That may have been an acceptable strategy when I was a toddler, but it doesn’t work for me anymore. I have no problem asking for help with car maintenace, lawn mowing, income tax preparation, or medical advice. But for some reason, I sometimes think it is a good idea to “go it alone” on really important things. In the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, there is a passage that states “It is worth noting that people of very high spiritual development almost always insist on checking with friends or spiritual advisers the guidance they feel they have received from God”.

If people of very high spiritual development can ask for help, why can’t I?

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin