Tag: hope

Where I Go For Hope

A friend of mine asked me “where do you go for hope?” He was feeling hopeless at the time. I don’t know why, but his question resonated with me.

This is where I go for hope.

I go to AA meetings for hope. This never fails me. I go because I hear other people sharing their experience, strength and hope. They give that hope away for free.

We regularly have 1000 years of sobriety in attendance at my home group. There are a few people with 40+ years of sobriety, and at least 20 people with 30+ years sober. That is incredibly hopeful for me. How could I not get hope from sitting in a room of people with that much sobriety?

I go to my sponsor for hope. My sponsor is a hopeful man. He always finds a way to find light in a situation. His attitude and outlook on life are contagious.

I know I need to call him when I don’t want to call him. When I am feeling blue, I know it is time to pick up the phone and listen to his joy.

I go to my family for hope. My wife and daughters are hopeful people. They believe in positive things. They believe that their actions and their words can make a difference in the lives of other people. As I write this, the three of them are participating in the democratic process, and knocking on peoples doors. They believe that what they are doing will make a difference in the next elections.

I go to work for hope. You might be surprised that I included this. But I did. I work for a small healthcare company that is developing medicines for the treatment of rare diseases. There are some very smart people who work at this company.

Have you ever heard the expression “we aren’t trying to cure cancer here”? The people that I work with are trying to cure cancer. They could be making more money doing something else, but they believe that they are contributing to the greater good by doing exactly what they are doing right now.

How could I not be inspired by that?

I go to the gym for hope. The gym that I go to is full of people who work hard every time they go there. They believe that their lives will be better if they work hard at their physical fitness. I was skeptical the first time I went, but that work ethic is infectious. I can’t help but work hard when I am in a gym full of other people working hard.

I go to my dog for hope. My dog is the eternal optimist. He is full of unconditional love. He has a precious soul. One hour at the park is the highlight of his day, maybe his week.

Going to the park with him might be the highlight of my week, too.

Where do you go for hope?

With love,
The Recovering Urchin

This I Believe

In the 1950s, there was a radio show called “This I Believe”. People wrote essays about things that they believed, and then had 5 minutes to read those essays on the radio. The show was very popular, and later became a series of best-selling books of the same name.

I recently started an online seminar on book-writing and book-promotion. One of the homework assignments was to write a manifesto. The seminar leader explained that our manifesto should describe what our world view is. In other words, what do we believe in? In that spirit, I’ll add the following quote…. “a man who stands for nothing will fall for anything” (Malcolm X).

This is what I believe.

I believe in altruism. I believe in the value of doing something for other people, without expecting or wanting anything in return.

I donate time and money whenever I can. I mostly try to do so in my local community, so that I know that it will help people close to me, even if I don’t know who the recipients are. I like to say “you might be surprised who gets helped the most”. It might be me.

I donate blood. This is a great way to help others, and expect nothing in return. My hope is that my 8 gallons (and counting) have helped dozens of people who need my blood more than I need it. I will never know who was helped, and that’s ok.

I have a little booklet of sayings and quotes. One of them is “as I give to the world, so shall the world give to me”. Call that karma if you want. I believe in it. And my life works a lot better when I practice it.

I believe there is enough to share. I have been blessed in my life with too many things to list here. I live in an affluent area, my wife and my daughters and I have great gigs to go to every day. We live in a time and a place where we live like princes and princesses. We want for nothing important.

I believe that everyone deserves to have the same opportunity. Everyone. Not just the people with the same beliefs as me, or the same political persuasion, or those who root for the same football team. Everyone-no exceptions.

Why limit opportunity for others? Where is the win in that strategy?

I believe in the value of great public education. The next generation of leaders, teachers, physicians, CEOs, and public servants are sitting in classrooms right now. Why wouldn’t we want them to be their very best?

When my wife and I started the process of house-hunting in the early 1990s, our real estate agent (who was on the school board of a district nearby) suggested that we go house hunting in the district with the very best schools in the state. We objected at first. We explained that “we will never have children” (not a very accurate prediction, by the way). He explained to us that even if we never had children, that the value of our home would always stay strong, because the value of good schools drives the value of home prices. He was right. Even during the mortgage meltdown 10 years ago, the value of our house dipped a little bit, and only temporarily.

I believe in the value of financial literacy.

Most workers no longer receive a pension. Because of that, most of us are now have to plan for, and save for, our golden years. Never before have so many of us been responsible for our own financial future. Never before have so many of us been so unprepared to deal with that responsibility.

I believe that everyone should know how to balance a checkbook, pay some bills, maintain a simple budget, and understand how to save and invest for the future.

I believe in the value of all people. That includes people from every background, and all races, sex, religions, countries…..you name it, you’re important. No exceptions. I’ve written about this before- I believe in what the plaque on the Statue of Liberty says. I’m also aware of more intolerance than any time in my lifetime. I can change that in my little corner of the world. I believe that.

I believe that I need your help. I am not a “self-made man”. I am where I am because of other people. I am not a lone wolf. I received a great education, and great role models helped me become who I am. I wouldn’t be where I am without them.

I think it is important that I try to give back, in some small way, what I so freely received.

I believe in the value of companionship. As I have gotten older, I have learned the value of human interaction, especially those with whom I am closest. I need human interaction every day. Even though I am an introvert, I am not supposed to be alone. I am better off for having other people in my life. I do a crossword puzzle with my best friend every day. There is a reason for that, and it isn’t about the puzzle.

I believe in the value of hard work, and the importance of discipline. I know a lot of people who can’t (or don’t) work. I wouldn’t trade places with any of them. Even the wealthy ones. I think work is about a lot more than money. Work provides me discipline, and structure, and keeps me mentally and physically active. It helps my self esteem. I’m grateful for the opportunity to work, and I hope that I’m able to continue working for many more years to come.

I am better off having work in my life. It provides structure and discipline for me in every area of my life, including my social life, diet, exercise, finance, and recreation. I value every part of my life more, because I am so busy.

At the same time, I am aware that a lot of people don’t have a job to go to every day. There are lots of reasons for this (retirement, disability, unemployment, prison, welfare). Regardless of the cause, none of it looks appealing to me. I want to continue working for as long as I am physically and mentally able to do so.

I believe that miracles happen in the lives of people. I’ve seen several of them occur. I’ve seen people with impossible diseases experience cures. I’ve seen people who were once hopeless and homeless experience transformations that allow them to be incredibly productive members of society. I’ve seen people who were once immobilized by illness, who now lead lives with more energy than I have.

Maybe “miracles” sounds too dramatic. But if not a miracle, what other word would you use?

I believe that I can make a difference with my writing and my storytelling. I believe that my writing is pretty good. I regularly receive feedback from readers about how meaningful my essays have been to them. I believe that when I write well, that I can connect with people as well as anyone.

I believe in the power of stories. Stories convey meaning in a way that other written forms cannot. Stories are memorable because they involve people that we know. I remember stories, because I remember people in my life.

Last year, I published my first book and I held my first book event. I was lucky enough to have an event at a small theater in my hometown. Fifty of my friends, family and readers attended. It was a special evening. For several weeks, those who attended mentioned how much they enjoyed the event.

What made it really special was that we told stories, and now we have new stories to tell. That night was my first book event, but it won’t be the last. I promise.

My writing moves people. I know that. I think I do it well. What I don’t do well (yet) is building an audience. I believe that “building an audience” doesn’t just happen for most authors. It takes work, and I haven’t done much of that work yet.

But I will.

This I Believe.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

Staying Sober in Dark Times

Have you ever found it more difficult to go to an AA meeting? Have you ever found it more difficult to go to the gym, or stick to a diet, or do anything else that you know is good for you?

So have I. In fact, I am going through one of those times right now.

I have an internal messaging machine that says “I don’t wanna”. It goes off any time I have to go to the dentist, or take my dog out for a walk when it is raining, or put on a suit and a tie.

Usually I don’t have that experience when it comes to going to AA meetings. I normally run to meetings. But right now, my energy is lower, I am kind of cranky, and I think “I don’t wanna go to a meeting”.

I should mention that I have this experience once in a while. Maybe it is the change of seasons, it is getting dark a little bit earlier in the evening, and there is less sunshine.

Whatever the reason, I feel an inner heaviness right now. Work seems more difficult, exercise seems more difficult, going to meetings seems more difficult.

It feels like gravity is 1.3x stronger right now than it normally is.

So what am I going to do about it?

I mentioned in the last section that I have this experience sometimes. Periodically I have an internal heaviness. What I do about it is that I ignore the messaging. I ignore the things that I tell myself, especially the negative stuff.

I put one foot in front of the other. Literally.

I map out my day, with a list of tasks that I am going to accomplish. Then I do those tasks.

I remember what I have heard so many times in meetings: “This too shall pass”. I know from experience that my inner darkness is a temporary things. It is just visiting, and it will get bored and go away.

Until then, I am going to a meeting tomorrow morning. I am going to exercise right after the meeting. Then I am going to take my dog to the park.

I will do the same thing the next day, too.

Rinse, lather, repeat.

Whether I want to or not.

Because I will be a lot happier if I do.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

The Lou Gehrig of Recovery

On July 4, 1939, Lou Gehrig stood in front of a full Yankee Stadium at his retirement ceremony, and said “Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth”.

Remarkable words for a man who had been given a death-sentence diagnosis days before (Amylotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, also now known as Lou Gehrig’s disease).

He later acknowledged that diagnosis by stating “so I close by saying that I might have been given a bad break, but I’ve got an awful lot to live for”.

I think of myself as the Lou Gehrig of recovery. I am the luckiest person I know on the face of the earth. On the one hand, I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. Those are two diagnoses that have grim prognoses. Everyone that I went to rehab with is dead. Many of the fellows I got sober with in my profession are dead. The same with members of my home group.

On the other hand, I have been sober all day today (ever since I woke up at 5 am, walked my dog, and went to a 6:30 a.m. meeting). I’ve been fortunate enough to be sober for about 10,385 days before that, too.

I am incredibly lucky. Maybe it is blessed, maybe it is grace, I don’t know what to call it. But I haven’t had a drink or a drug all day, I am a free man, my dog is asleep next to me, and I don’t have any problems in the world compared to the problems I had in the last 18 months of my active alcoholism.

There is a thought that I’ve heard shared in meetings near me. The thought is “if everyone in the meeting threw their problems onto the table, and had a choice of which set of problems to take back, I would take my own problems back”. That is absolutely true for me.

Do I have problems? Sure I do. Everyone does. But the problems that I have today are living problems. The problems I had in the last 18 months of my active alcoholism were drunk and junkie problems.

So again I say, Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth-the Lou Gehrig of Recovery.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

The Cathedral of Chartres

I heard this story and I would like to share it with you:

Several hundred years ago, a traveler was walking through the French countryside. He came to the site of the Cathedral of Chartres, which was being built at that time.

He entered the construction site, and saw a sculptor working. He asked the sculptor what he was doing, and the sculptor said “I am making a statue”.

He walked around, and he saw a glazier. He asked the glazier what she was doing, and she said “I am making stained glass”.

He then saw a carpenter, and asked the carpenter what he was doing. The carpenter said “I am making pews”.

The traveler then saw a janitor. The janitor was pushing a broom. That janitor was cleaning up pieces of marble from the sculptor, stained glass from the glazier, and wood from the carpenter. The traveler asked the janitor what he was doing, and the janitor replied “I am building a monument to the glory of God”.

I will go to my home group tomorrow morning, and I will make coffee. I am the Coffee Guy. I’ll get out the coffee, and I’ll find the coffee filters, and I’ll start the water. I’ll make a lot of coffee (we get about 100 people at the Saturday morning meeting).

If a traveler approaches me and asks me what I’m doing, I hope I remember to say more than “I’m making coffee”. I hope I remember to say “I’m helping alcoholics to get sober”.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

Welcome to The Recovering Urchin!

Welcome to The Recovering Urchin. This is a website for recovering alcoholics and addicts, and people who love us.

I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I have been sober for 36 years (as of November 2026), and I believe that my experience, strength and hope can benefit others, and hopefully help someone recover from alcoholism/addiction. I will share my story sometime soon, in a post on this website.

You are probably wondering “why use The Recovering Urchin as a website name?” Good question. Some of the answer has to do with AA’s Traditions, and some of it has to do with me.

AA’s Eleventh Tradition notes that “we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films”. That was published in 1950, and it is as true today as it was when it was written. When it was written, there was no internet. Had the internet existed in 1950, the Eleventh Tradition would state “at the level of press, radio, films and the Internet”. An A.A. Guideline on the Internet notes that “the internet, social media, and all forms of public communications are implicit in the last phrase of the short form of Tradition Eleven, which reads “at the level of press, radio and films””. The Guideline later notes that we should avoid using our full name, or full-face photographs.

So you won’t see my full name or my photograph on this site. Because of the need for anonymity at the level of the Internet, I am using a pseudonym on this website: The Recovering Urchin. I am in recovery (36 years as of November 2026), and I refer to people as “urchins”. I don’t know why, but I do. I refer to my children as “the little urchins”, my wife as “Mrs. Urchin”.

I am the Recovering Urchin.

I promise you a few things about this website. First, I will remain anonymous. Second, I will not share any of your personal information with anyone, ever.

If I share parts of any of your stories (I am considering some guest blogs) I will either use only your first name, or a pseudonym.

I will try to write something recovery-related to you, about once a week. I may miss a few weeks for travel or work, but I will try.

I promise that all of the content on this site will be free.

There will not be a “Comments” section on this site, because I do not want to monitor the Comments section for trolls. I did that on another site, and it wasn’t any fun. So no Comments section.

I will try to share my experience, strength and hope with you, as it pertains to alcoholism and addiction. My hope is that my experience may benefit someone that I may never meet.

I will try to follow the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions on this website to the best of my ability. Some of my recovering friends have promised to check on me, and let me know how I am doing. I will try to be free of resentment, fear, and ego on this site, unless I am sharing an experience where those topics are warranted.

I wish you peace in sobriety.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin