Have you ever found it more difficult to go to an AA meeting? Have you ever found it more difficult to go to the gym, or stick to a diet, or do anything else that you know is good for you?
So have I. In fact, I am going through one of those times right now.
I have an internal messaging machine that says “I don’t wanna”. It goes off any time I have to go to the dentist, or take my dog out for a walk when it is raining, or put on a suit and a tie.
Usually I don’t have that experience when it comes to going to AA meetings. I normally run to meetings. But right now, my energy is lower, I am kind of cranky, and I think “I don’t wanna go to a meeting”.
I should mention that I have this experience once in a while. Maybe it is the change of seasons, it is getting dark a little bit earlier in the evening, and there is less sunshine.
Whatever the reason, I feel an inner heaviness right now. Work seems more difficult, exercise seems more difficult, going to meetings seems more difficult.
It feels like gravity is 1.3x stronger right now than it normally is.
So what am I going to do about it?
I mentioned in the last section that I have this experience sometimes. Periodically I have an internal heaviness. What I do about it is that I ignore the messaging. I ignore the things that I tell myself, especially the negative stuff.
I put one foot in front of the other. Literally.
I map out my day, with a list of tasks that I am going to accomplish. Then I do those tasks.
I remember what I have heard so many times in meetings: “This too shall pass”. I know from experience that my inner darkness is a temporary things. It is just visiting, and it will get bored and go away.
Until then, I am going to a meeting tomorrow morning. I am going to exercise right after the meeting. Then I am going to take my dog to the park.
I will do the same thing the next day, too.
Rinse, lather, repeat.
Whether I want to or not.
Because I will be a lot happier if I do.
With Love,
The Recovering Urchin
