alcoholism – The Recovering Urchin

What’s The Problem?

In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the second chapter is called “There Is A Solution”. On page 25 of that chapter, there is a paragraph that opens with “There is a solution”. But what is that the solution to? In other words, what is The Problem?

I go to a lot of AA meetings. And at many of those meetings, I hear a lot about not drinking. I hear that the problem is alcohol. But what if the problem isn’t alcohol?

I realize that question is provocative to ask in an AA meeting. I ask that question because I quit drinking a number of times. Every time I started again. Every time I quit drinking, it seemed to me that my life got worse, not better. The whole “don’t think, don’t drink and go to meetings” was not working for me.

I have a number of addictions. A brief list includes alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, spending. Maybe food too. Maybe internet doom scrolling. I’ve attended meetings for four of those addictions. I gravitate towards anything that provides a dopamine hit and a minute of distraction.

When I first started attending AA meetings, I abstained from drinking and taking drugs for about 4 months. And my life got worse. I got worse. I didn’t have my pain medicine anymore (alcohol and drugs) but I still had all of the pain.

After a meeting one night, I asked my sponsor what to do to recover from alcoholism, and he said “you need to work the Steps”. And it changed my life. Now my life didn’t get perfect. But it started to change. I started to change. And the obsession to drink and take drugs was lifted.

What working the Steps did for me was to help me understand The Problem. I learned that the problem wasn’t alcohol. It wasn’t drugs. It wasn’t pornography or gambling or the internet.

It was my alcoholism. It was me.

I wasn’t happy when I learned that. Far from it. I learned that I have a void. People call it “a hole in my soul”. For me it is a sense of “Not Enough”. I read in a Patrick Carnes book on sex addiction “Out of the Shadows” a phrase (and I’m paraphrasing here) that Carnes core message was “I am not enough, there isn’t enough, the world is not a safe place, and my needs can only be met with sex”. I related to that.

I had been trying to meet all of my needs with a combination of alcohol and drugs and sex and spending and porn and….whatever. Whatever I could pour into the hole in my soul to temporarily help me feel like I was enough. And none of it worked. And I became addicted to all of it.

I also learned that I couldn’t just “stop drinking and go to meetings”. That wasn’t a solution for me, and I didn’t know why. Now I do. I now understand that The Solution is a spiritual solution to a spiritual malady.

Part of my spiritual solution comes from connecting with all of you. By trying to be authentic, and transparent, and by trying to help others.

Thank you for letting me share!

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

I Think My Spouse Has A Drinking Problem

Is my husband or wife an alcoholic?

What Does Problem Drinking Look Like?

Problem drinking looks different for different people — and is easy to deny. In the same setting, two people of similar stature, drinking the same type of alcohol, in the same amount, can have dramatically different experiences. One might doze off while the other goes off in an abusive rampage, despite virtually identical blood alcohol levels. Ironically, in the above example, both can be problem drinkers — the former just as likely as the latter–with perhaps neither being alcoholics because, among other criterion, alcoholism is about patterns of choices and behaviors.

If the former dozes off three times a week and can’t function at their job, a problem might exist. The latter might have anger issues that will arise whether they drink or not. Appearances can be deceiving. Perhaps just as importantly, no pathologies exist as a precise measuring stick for alcoholism.

So, what does alcoholism look like? It looks like a pile of jigsaw puzzle pieces that, when put together carefully, paint a picture of a problem that nobody wants to look at–spouses, family, friends, colleagues.

Is there a checklist for alcoholism?

Obvious signs of intoxication may be different for an alcoholic

There are unmistakable symptoms of intoxication: slurred speech, confusion, disorientation. But the chronic problem drinker who, over a course of several months or years, sustains behavior that results in negative effects on their lives when they are not drinking, is presented with one very large piece of the puzzle.

Commons signs of a drinking problem

Other common indicators exist. Alcoholics can develop a resistance that requires greater quantities to achieve the same results. Many hide their drinking and their bottles. Some only drink at home, alone. Others keep their activities as far from home as possible. The homebodies stash their alcohol on high shelves in the garage, in the toilet, buried in planters and in heating ducts. Others hide it in their office desk drawers. More than the behavior while drinking, the choice to hide the alcohol is a huge red flag and, despite likely vehement defiance when confronted with the choice to hide, the choice is a significant indicator. And, while the defiance may not be an outright lie– be assured that lying is taking place. Lies of omission. Lies of commission. Lies told to oneself. Lies to to the ones we love.

Ten potential indicators of alcoholism

Unfortunately, there is no checklist that will allow a user to unilaterally–and unequivocally–conclude a diagnosis of alcoholism. Perhaps more to the point is the fact that alcoholism cannot be diagnosed like other diseases. Symptoms can seem obvious but there is no blood test and there is little in the way of long term medical intervention except discontinuing the use of alcohol. An abridged list of things to look for follows.

High tolerance
Hiding alcohol
Drinking to prepare for more drinking — at parties, events and socially
Injuries that can’t be explained
Physical problems: weight gain/loss, sleep disturbances, trouble eating without drinking alcohol and substituting alcohol for meals
Lying about whereabouts, volume, driving, relationships
Psychological struggles – depression, paranoia and others
Gaslighting discussions with spouses to manipulate circumstances and avoid accountability
Strained/abusive relationships with spouse, parents, children, friends, co-workers, bosses
Legal problems related to poor decision-making while intoxicated

Dealing with the issues of a high-functioning alcoholic

A chronic drinker may be able to hide the symptoms from even those closest to them–and, when discovered, have the uncanny ability to convince those with the concerns that the problem is theirs. I had been an active alcoholic, at times able to get drunk twice a day for over a decade, and my live-in girlfriend and colleagues had no idea. I was an expert in avoiding detection. Most alcoholics are.

What’s the difference between a problem drinker and an alcoholic?

Semantics, mostly–if the results of the drinking are compromising the life and health of the person. The question, however, can be hotly debated in online reference resources and by those involved. The answer will always be qualified by defining the motivation behind the person who is asking and the person who is answering. A case in point is binge drinking. Binge drinkers can go days–or weeks–without physically needing alcohol but, when they drink, they often blackout. Few people who blackout from drinking more than once or twice aren’t problem drinkers.

The former title, for most people, often seems more palatable. In our culture, the ugliness and fear associated with the “A” word is sometimes enough to keep people from getting help so, if the patient or their circle needs to use a kinder term, do so. That said, if the results are the same, the name is just a name. Alcoholism does not require a physical reliance on the substance.

How Long Does It Take To Become An Alcoholic?

Problem drinking may go on for years or decades. An alcoholic may drink excessively–and compulsively– for 30 years without interruption. Despite this fact, different people have different risk profiles. Binge drinking, for example, is a rising problem among many young people who have only begun drinking.

Conversely, over that course of decades of non-binge drinking, we can develop a tolerance that results in the need to drink as much as 10 times more than normal drinkers, without showing as many signs of being drunk. A strong case can be made that the correlation between alcoholism and the length of one’s drinking career can vary dramatically.

What If My Spouse Has A Problem With Both Alcohol and Drugs?

Many people mix alcohol and drugs. The drugs may include both prescription drugs (like opiates) and illegal drugs. It should be noted, too, that other comorbid compulsive behaviors are common, like gambling, sex, food and more.

Drugs and alcohol present a particularly dangerous combination, for several reasons. Mixing alcohol and most mind-altering drugs can very easily result in deadly overdoses. Alcohol is a sedative, as are opiates and, when combined, can suppress breathing to point of death. In addition, if we choose to drive after taking a combination of alcohol and drugs, the risk to those sharing the road (and ourselves) is greatly increased.

Protecting the spouses of all active alcoholics

Concerned spouses are encouraged to seek the help of a licensed therapist if there is a concern about dealing with a potential alcoholic for four reasons: 1) To identify healthy and safe ways to discuss concerns, 2) To identify appropriate ways to ensure the alcoholic’s accountability with resolutions, 3) To maintain one’s own ability to navigate the difficult circumstances that result from a spouse’s alcoholism, 4) To receive guidance to other professionals whose services may be required if the situation continues to deteriorate–like attorneys, detectives, family counselors, women’s shelters, etc.

Treatment For Alcoholism

What Is An Intervention?

Taking the first step in treating your spouse’s alcoholism

Alcoholism eventually affects everyone with whom the alcoholic comes into regular contact. And, while observations and experiences can differ based on the relationship with the alcoholic, the problem will eventually become undeniable. When those within the alcoholic’s sphere of influence have a chance to compare notes, the ugly truth is usually identified and an intervention becomes the next appropriate step.

Is professional support important for an intervention?

Intervention is a process undertaken to address the shape of the group’s life when an alcoholic’s problem is unambiguous. It is usually a formal process that includes a professional in addiction treatment and a number of persons affected by the behavior of the alcoholic. The inclusion of an independent certified professional is strongly advised.

How do I prepare for my spouse’s intervention?

The process begins when a family member–often a spouse or significant other–requests help from a rehabilitation center or the family physician. An intervention professional meets with the family member, and possibly also with other members of the family and friends, to coach them on the intervention process. Family and friends are taught not to accuse the alcoholic. Instead, they are coached to share how the alcoholic’s alcoholism has affected them. For example, a wife may offer that “when you showed up drunk at our daughter’s Father/Daughter dance, it embarrassed our daughter and me”. The technique is designed to prevent the alcoholic from denying whether or not something happened and, just as importantly, the alcoholic cannot deny the feelings being expressed.

What happens during an intervention?

All of the family members and friends who wish to participate are gathered in a private room with the interventionist. Then, the alcoholic is brought to that room, often without warning, and confronted. The interventionist explains that the alcoholic’s family and friends have gathered to explain the impact of the alcoholism on each of the participants. Then, one by one, each of the family and friends take a few minutes to share how they have been affected by the behavior of the alcoholic. The alcoholic is asked to listen to the feedback, without commenting, until the end of the intervention.

Is an intervention a structured event?

Yes and no. Experienced interventionists always have a firm yet adaptable game plan that allows for adjustment based on the number of participants, their temperaments, the personality of the alcoholic and other factors unique to a given situation.

The interventionist often coaches the participants to describe consequences, if the alcoholic chooses to continue drinking. For example, in my situation, my boss was part of the process. He explained to me that I could participate in a formal, inpatient rehabilitation process and, at the completion of the process, my job would be waiting for me. If I chose not to participate, he told me that I would he would terminate my employment immediately. I accepted treatment.

Prior to most interventions, arrangements are made for inpatient rehabilitation, if the alcoholic chooses to receive help. In some cases, the alcoholic is taken directly to a rehabilitation facility. Unfortunately, many alcoholics refuse treatment. Some refuse to participate in the intervention, choosing to leave the intervention and continue their alcoholism.

The goal of an intervention, in almost all cases, is to get the alcoholic to accept the fact that a life-endangering problem exists, to offer a concrete solution (rehab) and to immediately move toward resolution of the problem (attending rehab).

What is The Difference Between Rehab and Detox?

Family members seeking help for the alcoholic are often confronted with new language and jargon. Among the most commonly misunderstood are “detox” and “rehab”. Often, people use the two interchangeably despite each being very different.

Detoxification (or “detox” for short):

A medical process of weaning the alcoholic off of alcohol. This process usually involves a short hospital stay (2-3 days), where the alcoholic is observed closely, receives around-the-clock medical support, and medication (if needed), to alleviate the symptoms of withdrawal.

Alcoholics usually experience significant withdrawal symptoms when we stop drinking. The consequences of those withdrawal symptoms can be severe, including seizures, psychiatric symptoms, and in rare cases, a syndrome called Delirium Tremens, which may be fatal. Also, withdrawal symptoms produce an intense craving for alcohol in order to stop the withdrawal, which makes the alcoholic/addict much more susceptible to relapse.

Rehabilitation (or “rehab” for short):

Rehab takes place over a longer period of time. Usually 28 days. Medical support is often included (although not as intensive as in detox). Additionally, psychological/psychiatric support, counseling, and group therapy take place. Beyond the described supports a reorientation to a healthier, more organized everyday life is stressed. The patient makes their bed, arrives on time for scheduled events, maintains hygiene, is encouraged to build relationships and performs chores common to most healthy people.

In short, Detox focuses on the medical management of the patient. Rehab, on the other hand, focuses on why the patient became an alcoholic, in an attempt to prevent relapse.

Does Every Alcoholic Need to Go to Rehab?

Every alcoholic should have a medical evaluation by a physician who understands alcoholism. Admittedly, this suggestion often isn’t possible until the alcoholic is literally inside the rehabilitation facility and, sometimes, the physician may find that alternative medical tactics should be undertaken and/or replace rehab altogether. It should be noted, too, that most physicians, with an emphasis on family practitioners, receive almost no training on alcoholism in medical school.

What Is the Difference Between Inpatient and Outpatient Rehab?

Inpatient rehabilitation is a process that occurs when the alcoholic remains at a specialized facility 24 hours/day. Stays as short as three days take place. Some last as long as three months.

Intensive support is necessary for many alcoholics. Very poor health is common, as is homeless, malnourishment, broken families and evaporated personal infrastructure. Full time treatment gives an alcoholic the time and the place to work on their recovery, and to receive all of the required support under one roof. Another advantage to inpatient rehabilitation is the safety and security provided, keeping unnecessary life stressors and the temptation of friends who are drinking and taking drugs at arm’s length.

However, some people choose not to receive inpatient care due to lack of insurance, time or money and, instead, participate in outpatient rehabilitation. Outpatient rehab generally involves meeting with a counselor, and possibly a small group of other alcoholics, several evenings a week for several weeks. Some outpatient rehabilitation is called “intensive outpatient”, and may meet as many as seven times per week.

The advantages of outpatient rehab include lesser cost and also the possibility that the alcoholic can continue living at home and working, if they still have a job.

How Do I Find A Good Rehab?

Your family physician can help identify a good rehab. As described above, many physicians don’t have substantial training in addiction, but almost all family physicians have a long list of patients experiencing alcoholism and have had to help each take the first step toward a healthier life — beginning with rehab.

In addition, if you have health insurance, your insurance company has data on rehabs with good (and bad) results. Although I am not a big fan of insurance companies, they do have a vested interest in ensuring the best treatment possible. It is good for them if you receive treatment that works.

Is Rehab Expensive?

Most facilities cost $500-$1,000 per day, with some charging significantly more. Sometimes treatment may be required for one month or more. That means treatment can cost $20,000-$30,000, or more.

Some insurance companies cover the cost of a rehab stay for the treatment of alcoholism. If you or a loved one is considering rehab, call your insurance company to see discuss costs. Even with health insurance, however, there may be significant out-of-pocket costs.

Can AA Help A Problem Drinker? Can I Just Go To AA and Do This Myself?

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) can indeed help a problem drinker. AA is the only place that alcoholics can go where they can speak directly with other people who have had the same experiences–the good, the bad and the ugly. The people in AA do not lecture, they do not charge any money for their time, they do not set or enforce rules. They offer their time and their experience in the hope that doing so will help themselves stay sober. In this context, even alcoholics who choose to go their own way are not alone in their struggle. Almost every rehab program will encourage the alcoholic to embrace AA.

There are some limitations to the do-it-yourself approach, however.

No one in AA acts as a healthcare professional. Nobody directs another member’s recovery. Nobody tracks a participant’s progress. Everyone is free to come and go as they please and, for those alcoholics whose early sobriety requires structure, organization and accountability, the flexibility can offer another place to hide behavior. The problem with the DIY approach is that the person in charge of my recovery is me — and I came into recovery with some serious medical and mental issues. I received professional help for those issues, and you may need professional help too.

Despite the success stories associated with AA, the grim reality is that the recovery rates for someone who walks into their first AA meeting are shockingly low. Most people don’t recover from alcoholism. (For more detail, read later on “Alcoholic Data and Progress”).

What Happens After Rehab?

The importance of aftercare — including AA meetings, group therapy, participation in support groups, family counseling, and medical checkups — cannot be overstated. A lifetime commitment is often required.

Alcoholic Data and Progress

Sadly, solid statistics on recovery do not exist because the necessary data is hard to compile, for several reasons:

There is no central repository for this information. Rehabs don’t have to report outcomes to a central authority.
Twelve step programs (e.g. AA, NA) do collect estimates on the number of members that they have, but they do not track or record the progress that individual members make in their recovery.
There is a lot of shame associated with alcoholism. As a result, individuals (and their physicians) are reluctant to record honest diagnoses on hospital admission and discharge notes.
When people die of alcoholism, the cause of death is often described as something else: for example, as accidental injury, exposure, pneumonia, infection, or suicide.

With all of this in mind, there are at least two recent publications that discussed the mortality associated with alcoholism. You can read about those publications in my essay “This Is Our Plague”.

Briefly, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) published a report estimating that 632,000 Americans die every year from tobacco, alcohol and drug addictions. The World Health Organization published a report that estimates that 3 million people die worldwide from alcohol abuse.

With love,
The Recovering Urchin

My 38th Street Bridge Blackout

My friend Michael suggested that I write about a couple of my blackouts. He thought it would be helpful for some of the newcomers visiting this site. Here is one of them.

So let me set the scene…..it was 1979, I was going to school in West Philadelphia. I was 17 years old, and I was working in a bar call Doc Watson’s. (Go back and read that again-I was 17, and working in a bar).

Doc Watson’s was a dive bar. College students could get a cheap pitcher of beer and a pizza for about $5. From Thursday night through Sunday night, the place was always packed. I waited tables, delivered pizza and beer to my classmates, and made at least $100 in tips every night. One hundred dollars a night was a lot of money forty years ago.

My shift was from 4pm until 2 am, two to three nights a week. The hours from 4pm until 9pm were kind quiet, with the pizza-eaters. At about 9pm, the beer drinkers came in, and the bartenders filled pitchers of beer as fast as they could.

Doc Watsons was where I learned to drink hard. Up until then, I had a casual approach to my drinking. But at this bar, we had 15 minutes (from 2 am until 2:15 am) to clean up, and drink as much as we wanted for free. Since there was only 15 minutes between 2 am and 2:15, I spent less time on “cleaning up”, and more time on “drinking as much as I wanted for free”.

Over the course of several weeks, I learned how to drink at least a pitcher of beer in that 15 minute period. I learned to drink fast. That didn’t seem to be a problem for me. I lived about 4 blocks from the bar. I would get drunk, and glide back to my dormitory with a buzz and a hundred dollars in my pocket.

One night I lost track of how much I had to drink. (Everything I am about to share with you has been told to me by other people). I probably had at least 1 1/2 pitchers of beer in 15 minutes. I walked out of the bar, and headed for the 38th Street Bridge, which was a pedestrian bridge along my route back to my dormitory.

The route that I was SUPPOSED to take was:

1) leave the bar, walk one block

2) turn left, cross the bridge, walk two blocks

3) turn right, go one block to my dorm

Two turns, four blocks. I had done this walk a hundred times. I still have the map imprinted in my brain.

But on this night in 1979, I made it to the bridge, and I got lost. I crossed over the bridge three or four times. A campus police officer approached me, and asked me if I was lost. I don’t know what I said to the police officer, but if I had been honest, I would have sung from Blind Faith’s song and sung “I am wasted, and I can’t find my way home”.

Looking back at that evening, there are several things that seem remarkable to me now:

I was four blocks from my dorm, I had walked that route a hundred times, and I was so blindly drunk that I got lost.

A police officer escorted me back to my dorm, and delivered me to my roommate.

I did not freeze to death. I did not fall off the bridge and die. I did not get arrested.

I saw nothing wrong with what had happened. Neither did anyone else. Not my school, not my roommate, not my co-workers. But especially not me.

I repeated most of that evening many more times while I worked at that bar.

Why do I write this for you?

If you are a newcomer, you should know that blackouts happen to alcoholics. Blackouts are memory losses that happen when we have way too much to drink. Normal drinkers don’t have blackouts, because normal drinkers don’t drink that much.

I didn’t know that. I didn’t realize that I had blackouts until I went to rehab and someone explained to me what was happening.

I haven’t had a blackout like that since I got sober.

If you get sober, you won’t have any more blackouts either.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

Why Discipline Matters

When I first started attending AA meetings, I thought that my problem was “just alcohol”. I understood that I had a drinking problem, but I thought that the rest of my life was ok. I still had a roof over my head, most of my bills were paid, and I had a decent job.

When I came to AA, I was practicing as a healthcare provider in my community. I asked for help in my profession, and they were very kind in providing help. I attended a Twelve-Step meeting of people in my profession, and they helped me find a detox and a rehab.

I did have an unusual situation when I left rehab. I was asked, as a condition of continuing employment in my profession, to sign a “recovery contract”. In order to continue practicing my profession, I had to agree to:

attend 90 meetings in 90 days
provide 2-3 urine screens weekly
see a therapist one on one
go to group therapy
see a monitor from my profession at least once a month
provide a written summary report of my recovery activity once a month

In order to maintain my professional license (and my career and my income) I had to agree to do all ofthose things for three years. I was really unhappy about having to do all of those things, but I didn’t really have a choice. My boss knew about my alcoholism, and signing the contract was the only way I could keep my job.

I did all of the things required of my contract (and a lot more). I attended hundreds of meetings in those first three years, provided every urine screen, attended every therapy appointment, and showed up every place I was supposed to show up to.

When the contract was coming up to the end of its three year period, I could not wait to go to the first AA meeting that wasn’t required. I couldn’t wait to demonstrate to others, and myself, that I was serious about sobriety. I couldn’t wait for “the training wheels to come off”.

I sometimes speak in paradoxes, and I am about to do so again.

I was not happy at all about having to sign that recovery contract. And I am so grateful that I did.

That recovery contract provided discipline in my life at a time that I sorely lacked discipline. That contract forced me to go places that i might not have gone on my own.

Discipline is defined as “orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior”. It was prescribed for me that I was supposed to show up certain places. Had that contract not been in place, I might not have survived.

If you’re thinking “wait—a contract? That sounds weird”, or “I totally disagree with the idea of a contract”, let me ask you the following questions. Suppose the pilot of your airplane is a recovering alcoholic. Do you want to know that that pilot is sober? Or are you willing to take a chance with your life? Suppose that the pediatric anesthesiologist for your child is in recovery, and is about to administer anesthesia to your child—do you want that anesthesiologist to be sober?

Of course you do. You may not think about it, but there are people who have healthcare jobs or transportation jobs who get sober and stay sober. And you and I have a right to know that, while they are practicing their professions, that they are sober.

That was the belief of the profession I was in when I got sober in 1990. I didn’t agree with them then, but I agree with them now.

On page 88 of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it says “we alcoholics are undisciplined”. That is so true.

We really are. How do we get help for this? Right after, the book states “so we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined”, which refers to the steps discussed in the chapter Into Action

(steps 4-11).

I realize that this essay may be provocative. Most people in recovery are in a situation where they ‘do things “on their own”. They are not in professions where they are required to sign contracts, and they don’t have discipline required of them.

At the same time, most people coming into the rooms of twelve step programs don’t get sober and stay sober.

I’d rather have had required discipline (and stay sober) than not have required discipline (and not stay sober).

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

This Is Our Plague

Suppose I told you that a lot of people were dying from something and most people didn’t know it?

Suppose I told you that a shockingly high number of people were dying from a disease, and most people had no idea?

Suppose I told you that more Americans died last year from this epidemic than died in any single war we’ve ever fought? Would you be surprised?

I saw an article in my news feed recently that noted that 632,000 Americans died last year from tobacco, alcohol and drug addictions. The data was compiled by the Centers for Disease Control. I have attached links to the CDC report at the bottom of this page.

632,000 deaths a year in the U.S. Think about that. By comparison, the most Americans who died in any war was the Civil War, where 620,000 died. Those 620,000 who died in the Civil War died over the course of four years (April 1861-May 1865).

About 1,264,000 Americans have died in all wars combined.

What this means is that every year, more Americans die from addictions than died in the entire Civil War. Every two years, we lose as many Americans to addictions as we have lost in all of our wars.

That is appalling.

The World Health Organization just released a report entitled “Global Status Report on Alcohol and Health 2018”. In the report, they estimate that 3 million people died worldwide in 2016 from alcohol abuse.

Three million.

In 2017, Alcoholics Anonymous estimated its total membership at just under 2.1 million people.

That means that more people (many more) are dying every year, than are members of AA.

Whatever we are doing isn’t working. Whatever we are doing isn’t enough. It isn’t enough for the 3 million people who died of alcohol abuse last year.

I will continue to do everything that I can to spread the news that there is a solution available for those who want help and are willing to work for it.

The Recovering Urchin

CDC references

https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/fast_facts/index.htm

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/alcohol-use.htm

https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2018/p0329-drug-overdose-deaths.html

WHO reference page XV

http://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/274603/9789241565639-eng.pdf?ua=1

AA Membership

Click to access smf-132_en.pdf

What’s The Problem?!

About 35 years ago, I was driving a clunker of a car. One day I hit a pothole in my city, and my car started making a lot of noise. I thought the noise might be my muffler, so I drove to the muffler shop. I told the mechanic that I thought I had a muffler problem. He lifted my car up on the jack, took one look at the underside of my car, and said “the problem is that you no longer have a muffler”.

I have a friend who likes to ask “What’s the problem?” when he hears people complaining. What he means is that he wants to know what the root cause is. Until he understands what the problem is, he can’t possibly know what the solution is.

When I first realized that I had a problem with alcohol and drugs, I decided that I was going to quit. That seemed like a reasonable solution. I thought that the problem was alcohol and drugs, and that the solution was quitting.

So I quit (“once and for all, I swear I mean it this time!”). I quit “once and for all” four different times in the last 18 months of my active alcoholism. I did not understand why I kept relapsing after I had quit with the best of intentions. After all, hadn’t I quit forever?

At my home group, I sometimes share that “the problem isn’t alcohol”. That seems like a provocative thing to say at an AA meeting. I believe it to be true.

I believe it to be true for several reasons. The first reason is that that is consistent with what is in the book “Alcoholics Anonymous”. On page 103, it says “our bottles were only a symbol” (of our problems). On page 64, it says “our liquor was but a symptom”.

I also believe that alcohol isn’t the problem because I quit “once and for all” four different times. If alcohol was the problem, then quitting would have been the solution.

Lastly, I can share with you that my life actually got worse early on in AA. I was abstinent for 90 days in AA, but I was in so much pain that I finally asked my sponsor for help. If alcohol had been the problem, shouldn’t I have gotten much better after 90 days of not drinking?

So as my friend likes to ask- What’s The Problem?

I believe that the problem is that I do not know how to live my own life. That is a difficult thing to admit. In my culture, and my upbringing, I was taught to show self-confidence, and never admit problems publicly. Admitting problems would not be consistent with “keeping up with the Joneses”.

But in AA, after working through the Twelve Steps, I finally had to admit that I had made quite a mess of my life. Only with the help of AA, my sponsor, and the Twelve Steps, have I been able to reconstruct my life and rebuild trust with my family and friends.

So I ask you-if you are struggling to stay sober, or if you are struggling with some major life problems- what’s the problem? The problem may not be what you think it is.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin

Welcome to The Recovering Urchin!

Welcome to The Recovering Urchin. This is a website for recovering alcoholics and addicts, and people who love us.

I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I have been sober for 36 years (as of November 2026), and I believe that my experience, strength and hope can benefit others, and hopefully help someone recover from alcoholism/addiction. I will share my story sometime soon, in a post on this website.

You are probably wondering “why use The Recovering Urchin as a website name?” Good question. Some of the answer has to do with AA’s Traditions, and some of it has to do with me.

AA’s Eleventh Tradition notes that “we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films”. That was published in 1950, and it is as true today as it was when it was written. When it was written, there was no internet. Had the internet existed in 1950, the Eleventh Tradition would state “at the level of press, radio, films and the Internet”. An A.A. Guideline on the Internet notes that “the internet, social media, and all forms of public communications are implicit in the last phrase of the short form of Tradition Eleven, which reads “at the level of press, radio and films””. The Guideline later notes that we should avoid using our full name, or full-face photographs.

So you won’t see my full name or my photograph on this site. Because of the need for anonymity at the level of the Internet, I am using a pseudonym on this website: The Recovering Urchin. I am in recovery (36 years as of November 2026), and I refer to people as “urchins”. I don’t know why, but I do. I refer to my children as “the little urchins”, my wife as “Mrs. Urchin”.

I am the Recovering Urchin.

I promise you a few things about this website. First, I will remain anonymous. Second, I will not share any of your personal information with anyone, ever.

If I share parts of any of your stories (I am considering some guest blogs) I will either use only your first name, or a pseudonym.

I will try to write something recovery-related to you, about once a week. I may miss a few weeks for travel or work, but I will try.

I promise that all of the content on this site will be free.

There will not be a “Comments” section on this site, because I do not want to monitor the Comments section for trolls. I did that on another site, and it wasn’t any fun. So no Comments section.

I will try to share my experience, strength and hope with you, as it pertains to alcoholism and addiction. My hope is that my experience may benefit someone that I may never meet.

I will try to follow the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions on this website to the best of my ability. Some of my recovering friends have promised to check on me, and let me know how I am doing. I will try to be free of resentment, fear, and ego on this site, unless I am sharing an experience where those topics are warranted.

I wish you peace in sobriety.

With Love,
The Recovering Urchin