In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the second chapter is called “There Is A Solution”. On page 25 of that chapter, there is a paragraph that opens with “There is a solution”. But what is that the solution to? In other words, what is The Problem?
I go to a lot of AA meetings. And at many of those meetings, I hear a lot about not drinking. I hear that the problem is alcohol. But what if the problem isn’t alcohol?
I realize that question is provocative to ask in an AA meeting. I ask that question because I quit drinking a number of times. Every time I started again. Every time I quit drinking, it seemed to me that my life got worse, not better. The whole “don’t think, don’t drink and go to meetings” was not working for me.
I have a number of addictions. A brief list includes alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, spending. Maybe food too. Maybe internet doom scrolling. I’ve attended meetings for four of those addictions. I gravitate towards anything that provides a dopamine hit and a minute of distraction.
When I first started attending AA meetings, I abstained from drinking and taking drugs for about 4 months. And my life got worse. I got worse. I didn’t have my pain medicine anymore (alcohol and drugs) but I still had all of the pain.
After a meeting one night, I asked my sponsor what to do to recover from alcoholism, and he said “you need to work the Steps”. And it changed my life. Now my life didn’t get perfect. But it started to change. I started to change. And the obsession to drink and take drugs was lifted.
What working the Steps did for me was to help me understand The Problem. I learned that the problem wasn’t alcohol. It wasn’t drugs. It wasn’t pornography or gambling or the internet.
It was my alcoholism. It was me.
I wasn’t happy when I learned that. Far from it. I learned that I have a void. People call it “a hole in my soul”. For me it is a sense of “Not Enough”. I read in a Patrick Carnes book on sex addiction “Out of the Shadows” a phrase (and I’m paraphrasing here) that Carnes core message was “I am not enough, there isn’t enough, the world is not a safe place, and my needs can only be met with sex”. I related to that.
I had been trying to meet all of my needs with a combination of alcohol and drugs and sex and spending and porn and….whatever. Whatever I could pour into the hole in my soul to temporarily help me feel like I was enough. And none of it worked. And I became addicted to all of it.
I also learned that I couldn’t just “stop drinking and go to meetings”. That wasn’t a solution for me, and I didn’t know why. Now I do. I now understand that The Solution is a spiritual solution to a spiritual malady.
Part of my spiritual solution comes from connecting with all of you. By trying to be authentic, and transparent, and by trying to help others.
Thank you for letting me share!
With Love,
The Recovering Urchin
