I recently finished a book called “Dopamine Nation” (Anna Lembke). She is a physician therapist who treats people in recovery from several addictions (including alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, pornography). She writes about the neurotransmitter dopamine, and how it is involved in the pain/pleasure experience. She describes how dopamine is involved in the addiction process.
One of the later chapters in her book is titled “Radical Honesty”. She notes that addictions are often associated with dishonesty, and that a path to recovery should involve honesty. Even Radical Honesty.
In AA meetings, we often read a section from the book Alcoholics Anonymous called “How It Works”. In that reading, the word “honest” appears three times in the first 100 words. I think the AA founders understood how important honesty was, even in the 1930s.
I recognize that I was dishonest during my alcoholism and addiction. I have worked hard to own my dishonesty, and the consequences of that dishonesty, by working the 12 Steps.
I don’t claim to be radically honest. I think I am improving. I do have blind spots, and I am never certain that I am even being honest with myself. So sometimes I turn to other people and ask “how am I doing?”
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We have an expression in the rooms, “you are only as sick as your secrets”. Secrets are a way to be dishonest. So I aim for no secrets. The opposite of secrets is transparency. If I let you into my life, into all parts of my life, maybe you will see something about me that I don’t see about myself.
I aim for transparency in three areas: money, location and schedules. Mrs. Urchin and I share the following with each other:
Money: we share all of our financial information and transactions with each other.
Location: we share our locations with each other in real time.
Schedules: we share our schedules with each other.
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I hope this helps.
With Love,
The Recovering Urchin
