The Challenge of Being an Introvert in Alcoholics Anonymous

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Have you ever taken one of the “personality type” profiles at work?  There is a popular one called the Myers-Briggs Indicator. You answer approximately 60 questions, and you receive feedback about four different indicators.  One of them is whether or not you are an introvert or an extrovert.

I have taken this test four different times (it was popular for a while in my industry).  Every time I took it, I received the same feedback: I am really organized about my time (that’s good), and I am almost painfully introverted (not so good).

In my alcoholism, I never really liked to go to bars or clubs. There were drunk people there, and drunk people annoyed me. I didn’t like hanging out with other people who were drinking.  I preferred drinking by myself.

The good news is that I wasn’t doing a lot of drinking and driving, because I was doing my drinking alone by myself. The bad news was that I was home alone, doing my drinking by myself. And almost no one knew.

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I was lucky enough (blessed?) to get sober in 1990.  One of the things that I was told was that I should go to an AA meeting every day, for at least 90 days.  (My sponsor said “120 meetings wouldn’t hurt!”). So I went to a lot of meetings. I still do.

The challenge for me has been that I am still the same introvert that I have always been.  And my meetings are full of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed people who are on fire with the idea of interacting with other people.

In AA, we talk about Unity (through the Traditions), Recovery (through the Steps), and Fellowship.  I struggle with the Fellowship part. I struggle when people invite me out for coffee. “Struggle” means I don’t want to.  I do not want to go out to a diner with people I don’t know that well, and try to make small talk.

If you are an extrovert, you might be thinking “that sounds like a really good time!”  For me, that sounds like torture. I get very anxious when I have to talk to several people at the same time.  I am much more comfortable in intimate 1-1 conversations.

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I do understand the importance of making connections with other people. I have been sober for 28 year,  I’ve been married for 25 years, I have worked in my chosen field for 30+ years.

I understand how important my relationship with other people is.  I know that I cannot do this alone. I need help (see my essay “I Need Help” for more about this....).  

I do participate in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. But instead of having 100 close friends (I don’t even know if that is possible), I have a handful of people that I consider very close friends.  They are friends for life. They know everything about me, and I know everything about them.

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If you are an introvert, and you are new to AA (or any other twelve step fellowship), please know that you can recover every bit as much as the extroverted people.  

Find one or two people that you really trust, and get close to them.  Sit next to them at meetings. Call them, and try to get to know them.  Just as importantly, let them get to know you.

If you are like me, you also need help getting sober and staying sober.  You may not wind up with hundreds of friends in recovery, but you might wind up with a few very close friends for life, as well as a wonderful life in sobriety.

With Love,

The Recovering Urchin

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