I attended a meeting today where people were talking about humility. In the book 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, in the chapter on Step Seven, the author (Bill W.) writes about humility, and provides a good definition: “the basic ingredient of humility, a desire to seek and do God’s will”....I would like to say that I always have the desire to seek and do God’s will, but sometimes I find myself thinking much more about seeking and doing my will.
Humility is one of those things that I struggle with. I know that I am struggling with it when I say something snarky like “Do you have any idea who I am?!”
I am lucky enough to live in a prosperous place. I am blessed. I know that, most of the time. But every once in a while, I see someone driving a status symbol car, or I drive by a status symbol mansion, and I think “what is wrong with me?”
The truth is that there is nothing wrong with me. A Ferrari or a mansion won’t make me any better of a person than I already am, and not having those possessions doesn’t make me any worse, either.
But for some reason, I notice status symbols more than most of my friends. When I get on an airplane (a frequent occurrence in my life), I notice who gets to turn left and go into business class. Then I spend some time feeling “less than”. I forget that I am lucky enough to be on that plane, healthy enough to walk onto that plane, and free to go wherever I want, whenever I want. So who cares if I have to sit in the back of the plane?
My sponsor used to say “compare self to self”. He meant that I should try not to compare myself to other people, because I will always find a way to make myself feel less than I should.
Early in my sobriety, he shared the following prayer with me:
“I am no more than I am
I am no less than I am
I am the I am that I am
And AA teaches me to be
the I am that I am”
I pray today to be the best I am that I can be.
With Love,
The Recovering Urchin
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