I recently heard someone say at a meeting “I reserve the right to be wrong”. On the same day, I saw a bumper sticker that said “Don’t believe everything that you think”.
In recovery, I have learned how to make mistakes, and how to admit that I am wrong. One of my favorite bits of wisdom is the part of Step 10 that says “…and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it”.
I don’t fight well. When I get into a heated disagreement at home (it happens sometimes), I retreat and stop communicating with anyone. I isolate, and refuse to talk. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes a day or more.
I am wrong when I do this. I know it.
We have a thing that we do in my home. We try to make peace with a symbolic gesture. Remember ET in the movie of the same name? Remember when he sticks his finger out? We do the same thing, and we say “Peace?” Extending our finger out and saying “Peace?” is our symbolic peace offering.
I know that probably sounds weird, but it works.
One of my challenges in “making peace” is that I convince myself that I am right. I justify my actions by convincing myself how right I am. My sponsor asks me “would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?”
As I write this, I would rather be happy. But when I get in that weird space, sometimes I convince myself that I would rather be right.
Being wrong is one of the greatest gifts I have received in recovery. Being wrong allows me to change direction, and try something else. Being wrong allows me to apologize, and take responsibility for my actions. Being wrong allows me to make peace with those I have harmed.
I used to think that being wrong was one of the worst things that I could admit. Now I think that it is one of the best things I can admit.
With Love,
The Recovering Urchin
